Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The Deep Dark

In open country
all the street lights are doused.

There are only ocean and mountains
a darker ridge against black,
the other
a song of in-out rolled on shore.

She's in her black period -
though she covers it with razzle dazzle
so you'd never know.

Lighting up the country night
like fireflies' neon bright
alternative to day.

Laughter rims plastic cups of wine
brittle as glass,
like the glass of a coffin
where love lies broken

and the mourner
in her black
razzle dazzles for all she's worth
to light the deep dark.


Blogger Chris Never said...

I'm in love with the title of this.

It is so, woohoo, cool

Nice work, and again, varied from your normal voice for me, you have a little rhyme happening in S4 which came as a surprise *grin*

Only suggestion would be on S5, last line keeps making me think of the Elton John, love lies bleeding, not sure, can you jazz it a bit?

Just to make it stand out I think is all, seems like that line has to carry a lot of weight


lovely stuff *smile*

3:00 PM  
Blogger burning moon said...

yeah I know what you mean about st.5. It tripped off the lips a little too glibly. Always a signal to go back and check.
It echoes of a Eurythmics song to me, but I can't think of the name of it. Every time i read that line it starts up in my head though. I can hear Annie Lennox's voice.
Maybe I'm channeling her, lololol

3:22 PM  
Blogger Chris Never said...

What an amazing voice that woman has

Such depth
such resonance

she is/was amazing *smile*

3:36 PM  
Blogger burning moon said...

yeah she does have an amazing voice. I always remember seeing her at one of the Oscar (or Grammies maybe?) award ceremonies. She was dressed up like Elvis Presley. It took me ages to work out she was a woman.

3:40 PM  
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10:11 PM  

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