Monday, April 14, 2008

beginning moon

in the whisper of a curve
flames of light begin to flicker

filling the hollow cove
where sun has died

lunar revelation


Blogger Chris Never said...

in the whisper of a curve

What a hellaciously *not a word but should be lol* fabulous opening line.



your voice is shifting a little
like a billow in a well known
t shirt hanging on the line
changing shape for just a moment

its cool

Last lines make me pause

don't know why

I am jagged though so.....

10:43 PM  
Blogger burning moon said...

mmm. I'm not sold on the ending, but I'll keep thinking about it.
Maybe I need to lose the last line.

Thanks :)

maybe my voice is shifting a bit. Certainly the last few things I've written have felt different to me.

2:11 PM  
Blogger Chris Never said...

Does your voice change over time?

I have never really thought about it

I know it evolves

but somehow

I always thought that was slightly different to actual change.

mmmmmm, if you just have lunar revelation on its own, it doesn't really work with the two line strophes before it, it needs another line, just my thoughts though kiddo.

2:55 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home