Sunday, March 09, 2008

Starfish Fantasy

She thought she could command the seas,
commune with Neptune
and assorted other godlike V.I.Ps.

Her eyes black as dead coral
she lived suspended
in a circlet of floral decorations

not noticing the starfish
who surrounded her were crisp
with dehydration and decay,

unaware that the ocean
moved to the melodies
of the mer-people

and the only sway she held
was in the rock of kelp
as the tide rolled in and away.

Puffed up in her small pool
she crowned herself
Queen of the Starfish

and there was no one
to tell her it wasn't so.


Blogger Chris Never said...

Nice working of the metaphor kid,
this is really smooth writing, love this

unaware that the ocean
moved to the melodies
of the mer-people

very cool.

Only suggestion, S5 I found a little awkward, cant put my finger on why, it just doesn't quite flow like the rest of it, maybe a little rewording of it? anyways, another lovely piece of poetic mastery dear.

2:55 PM  
Blogger burning moon said...

mmm yeah, I know what you mean about st.5. I'm not sure what it is either, but I'll keep looking at it. Thanks. I think it might be 'the rock of kelp' gives an image of a rock instead of the rocking movement?

8:42 PM  
Blogger Chris Never said...

That could be it actually, I am sure with a tweak you will make it fit perfectly *smile*.

the sway of kelp
the rocking kelp
the gently undulating kelp


2:38 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home