Nineteen
She's not so pretty,
in a world where pretty
counts a lot,
maybe that's why
she's a little shitty.
Got the brandy egg
and drug sperm hatchling
with his too big head
and Jesus smile.
Everytime she looks
at his happy-idiot face
her heart squeezes.
He's her crown of thorns,
nest of bones,
again and again
he fishes her from
the cool drowning tide
to stand with him
on his rock in
the warm beating sun.
in a world where pretty
counts a lot,
maybe that's why
she's a little shitty.
Got the brandy egg
and drug sperm hatchling
with his too big head
and Jesus smile.
Everytime she looks
at his happy-idiot face
her heart squeezes.
He's her crown of thorns,
nest of bones,
again and again
he fishes her from
the cool drowning tide
to stand with him
on his rock in
the warm beating sun.
posted by burning moon at 1:01 PM
8 Comments:
Hey kid,
Love "happy-idiot" face
You have some excellent stuff in this
not quite assonance,not quite alliteration, but still , its about the sound *smile*
He's her crown of thorns,
nest of bones
Last stanza is a lock down winner
nice to read you again,
been a while
I know, for you too. my words seem to have been in lock down for ages. I have some pitiful half-written crap ... I keep trying to finish but yuck ... out comes crap.
I've been focusing on sorting out my job etc. Finally have full time hours (well nearly) and am off the benefit. Yayyyy !
Am working a bit more on my book this morning. Prose is easier than poetry for me. Poems have to 'come' to me. Prose I can just write.
Feels really nice to be writing a bit though. I get very tense when my writing isn't going anywhere and my book's been stuck for ages.
I can feel stuff beginning to form in my head though. It just hasn't translated to the page quite yet.
Nice to hear from you sweetie :)
oh, and the poem ... maybe 'crown of thorns' is too easy or common? Should I try something else?
Congrat's on getting full time hours kiddo
I have written the sum total of two poems in the last month I think, neither of which I am particularly proud of
Flat chat at work, no time to scratch myself let alone indulge myself with poetry.
*shrugs*
Just the way it goes, I try to flow with the river as much as I can because if you fight it, it just gets frustrating, at least for me.
Yah on your book, that you are working on it again, very cool kid
Re "crown of thorns"
leave it in in my opinion, I love those religious references as you know *smile*
and it flows so nicely into nest of bones.
It does, and yet 'nest of bones' wasn't the original line I had there, but popped up when I was rewriting it.
I have a very difficult decision to make right now. I have the chance of another job but I'm not sure whether I should jump ship or not.
The new job could potentially go much further than what I have at present, but it could also go nowhere if it doesn't work out well.
Either way it would take up precious time more and attention than my current job where I can pretty much relax and be myself.
decisions decisions ... trying to decide is killing me!
mmm, should read 'and more attention' ,,, sigh lol
Gads, I'm not going to try and offer advice on that one kid *grin*
Changing is always a risk, rewards can be greater, or it can all go pear shaped on you.
Comfortable is nice *laughs*
I like comfortable, but that doesn't mean its the right move.
Hope this has helped
I cant see how lol
lol
fat lot of help you are!
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