Fishmonger
You have your fish eye
and your fish mouth,
your spew and swallow of fish -
speak in fish tongue
the gollum, wordless,
with only sounds of water
gulped and spat,
and scales you strip
from my hide and weigh -
you weigh me
till I'm weightless.
A ton of shining silver
arced over bubbling steps
of surf.
and your fish mouth,
your spew and swallow of fish -
speak in fish tongue
the gollum, wordless,
with only sounds of water
gulped and spat,
and scales you strip
from my hide and weigh -
you weigh me
till I'm weightless.
A ton of shining silver
arced over bubbling steps
of surf.
posted by burning moon at 12:56 PM
2 Comments:
maybe this one?
You have your fish eye,
fish mouth,
your spew and swallow of fish -
speak in aquatic tongue
the gollum, wordless,
with only sounds of water
gulped and spat,
scales you strip
from my hide -
you lift me
till I'm weightless.
A ton of shining silver
arced over bubbling steps
of surf.
ooo, love the ending.
S3 is a conundrum, I really don't think you can get away with the word 'weigh' in it 3 times, and even twice makes me hitch a little, I tried 'heft' but it changes the meaning and screws with it too much.I know you use 'fish' 3 times in S1, but somehow, its ok, although in S2, I took it out because four to the power of 'fish' is too much for my little brain lol.
The use of gollum is really cool by the way, great word, carries so much meaning and well yes, weight
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