Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Black Sheep

It's no fun being the black sheep in the family. Everyone gets together making memories and having events and adventures, and you're always on the outside of everything.
I've never understood what it is that sets me apart from everyone else, but I've always felt as though I'm standing on the outside with my nose pressed against the glass looking in at everyone else having parties and good times, even when I'm in the room with them.

My stepmother (doesn't seem like the right term for her, but for want of a better one) passed away on Monday. Because I am disfellowshipped from my father's religion I once again find myself in the position of being a social embarrassment to him. I should be with him today, supporting him and looking after him, helping him to organise the formalities. Instead I'm sitting here at home by myself while my younger sisters do all of that stuff. I feel as though they think I should do something, but I don't know what it is they think I should do. My father will be surrounded by his church friends and none of them will  speak to me, in fact will probably leave the room if I am there.

My sisters will take care of everything, but I won't know what is going on, won't experience any of it, and feel very much like an unwanted spare wheel.

This is not entirely due to religious differences. I've always felt this way. But it certainly hasn't helped at all.


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