the boy
He grew up
surrounded by
concrete structure
asphalt bitumen
stone iron steel
had to search
to find a tree
some small of grass
a sky not brown
his song was
from a rooftop
the words a
way
down
a search for
the meditations of grass
incantations of birds
he plays his piano
on the roof
upon an architecture of stone
collision is imminent
catatonia encroaches
he dreams of death
he plays of
graceful arcs of stone
with iron hearts and steel bones
cracked windows
he plays his life
surrounded by
concrete structure
asphalt bitumen
stone iron steel
had to search
to find a tree
some small of grass
a sky not brown
his song was
from a rooftop
the words a
way
down
a search for
the meditations of grass
incantations of birds
he plays his piano
on the roof
upon an architecture of stone
collision is imminent
catatonia encroaches
he dreams of death
he plays of
graceful arcs of stone
with iron hearts and steel bones
cracked windows
he plays his life
posted by burning moon at 10:53 PM
4 Comments:
Ooo, this is something I could have written *smile*, all the incantations etc, weaving magic and urban decay.
Love it, heaps of good stuff , like this
"his song was
from a rooftop
the words a
way
down", how freakin cool is that?
Rhetorical lol
Only suggestion, S2, is that supposed to be "small patch of grass" , or did not mean it as its written, it can work either way so I wasn't sure
Lovely lovely stuff kid
lol. you're so good to me. thank you :)
it IS something you could have written actually isn't it?
s2, yes, I meant it to be like that. I'm not sure why. just trying to be cute I guess, though it seems to throw everyone off. still, I like it.
It can be very hard for writers to change their vision of how a line should read sometimes, I only flagged that you might have meant it that way because you do not often, if ever, make typo's of that kind, so I was fairly sure you meant it.
I love this, its inspiring , I have not written like this piece in quite a while, I should though, its really intricate and interesting poetry to me.
yeah you should, you should always write about what moves you most, and you always seem most engaged to me when you're writing about social awareness type issues.
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